Epistomology

I know two things, and two things only:

1. Always trust your instincts.
2. All things pass.

Sometimes I think I know more. Sometimes I trick myself into believing I know more. That’s when I make mistakes. Every bad choice I’ve ever made has been the result of ignoring these two things:

1. The stirring in my stomach.
2. The inevitable passing of all this.

Agatha Christie taught me to trust my instincts. Don’t laugh. Miss Marple solves crimes through the careful observation of personality types. She watches people, and listens, and she stores everything neatly away. She feels a tug of recognition when she meets the killer, because she’s met him many times before, and her body knows it. I don’t mean you should always trust your first impression. I just mean you should listen to what history has taught you, and look for patterns. And, for nearly thirty years I’ve alternated between happy and sad, and I’ve been adrift on the waves and tugged by the tides, and the only constant has been movement. All things pass. So we learn that:

1. Elderly detectives listen and watch and react.
2. Water is never still.

There is always the question, though, of how to apply these truths to one’s life. Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I let the killer go. Sometimes I let the killer charm me. Sometimes I am the killer. Sometimes I forget that I am nothing more than an animal, cowering in the dark. Sometimes I fear I am stuck in one awful moment, hanging onto the tip of the second hand and never moving.

1. If you listen closely enough to your bones, they will always tell you the truth.
2. Everyone dies. Everything ends.

I can’t really make you know these two things. I only know them because I’ve made the mistake of ignoring them for years. And I can’t give you the examples that convinced me of their truth. I only know that I know, and I know two things:

1. Trust yourself. Listen to yourself.
2. Don’t worry. It won’t last forever.

This is all I know.